"i wish i could show you when you are lonely or in the darkness the astonishing light of your own being." -Hafiz of Persia

devil wants a piggy back

when your only happy thought is the end

and all the snakes promise that they're your friend

even after you've won, confusion contends

and there's a pile of letters you're too sad to send

you know that there's been some kind of mistake

and no truth to enjoy in your sleep or your wake

it seems peaceful in the middle of the lake

away from where waves ceaselessly break

when the devil on your back is too heavy to hold

and he says that it's warm but you only feel cold

you need to go all-in but he grins and shouts, "fold!"

and what he calls fresh looks to you just like mould

you can trick yourself into being okay

the deafening silence cannot lead the way

following the norm is a waste of a day

you know that there's only one thing you can say

it starts with an 'f' and it ends with a 'k'

you see in the middle but outside is grey

now all you can do is just let it all happen

clench both your fists and get your toes tappin'

© Copyright Miss Carly Marie 2008-2012

"Snakes never bite above ankle." - Astrid Magnussen

fertility born of instability

There is only one fist that can penetrate my chest

Only one hand that can squeeze it so

There is only one mouth that can bring me down

So low I don’t know where to go

Equal parts empathy and disgust

Hard as rocks and frail as dust

Someone I can always trust

Strong as steel about to rust

She provides the bullet and the ambulance

The clarity and the awful trance

The joy that makes me jump and dance

Predetermination and a chance

She is the fight I always have to lose

The hope I always have to have

The cut that just won’t heal or bruise

The ointment I need for the scab

She is the child that refuses to eat

The mercy-hungry sinner

The priest who enjoys red meat

Advanced as a beginner

Though I love her more than life

It is only out of self-respect

That I refuse the pain and the strife

Born of her mind’s self-neglect

I wish she was never hurt

So that she wouldn't hurt me

But oleanders need dirt and

I can defeat what's hereditary

© Copyright Miss Carly Marie 2008-2012

"Even a palace can be a prison." -from the film The Young Victoria

who i'm not

I am not my Mother

I have no son

I like to walk

Not to run

My sister, so far

My brother, so gone

My Father is always

tending the lawn

My grandma, who's that?

My uncle is dead

My hair is brown

but I dyed it red

The abuse that tears

And branches out

Trickles down

into new sprouts

The forms it Holds

The levels of pain

Wishing these tracks

derailed this train

Grandpa, killed

When Mother was seven

Surely there isn't

any real heaven

Dad's dad swung

His fists and his belt

Through the stories

the bruises, I felt

Not just my own blood

But my friends and my kin

They were wrong to think

I wouldn't feel their pins

Manic labels

Pills cure all

Being old doesn't mean

you don't have to crawl

My soul is so tired

Of judgment and minds

Who think they know

my thoughts, my Kind

I was born happy

But now I'm weary

Of selfish logic

And crooked theories

That vicious animal

That is me

Here are my teeth

Sharp to see

Salivating, I hunt

Looking for the loyal

I am the Tiger

I am Royal

I am my own

Separate from them

My muscles burn

Condemn, condemn

Free, I'll be

From bitter love

I don't need to hurt

Because they're smug

And they'll be angry

And confused

But I am only

The Atlantic's muse

I'm only sorry

They didn't listen

When I was honest

in my admissions

It isn't that

They weren't there

It was sad priorities

and how they cared

Not one could ever

Look me in the eye

To tell me with love

That I can fly

Only pressure

Holding me down

Telling me not

to be who I found

I was always me

They just didn't know

How to catch my drift

and the breeze it blows

I find myself Lush

Up, up, I'm growing

Even without

My own knowing

So I'll say thank you

The weight helped me rise

Layers of soil

Packed over my eyes

I'm just not sure

How to love people

Stuck in hierarchy

Stuck in steeples

I can't reach down

To meet them halfway

They'll pull out my roots

Then I'll decay

I tried Good-bye

It didn't work

So away, away, away

I'll lurk

Don't be surprised

When I am missing

If you weren't kind

I'm finished wishing

Up in the sky

I'm so blue

My soul is alone

But at least it's True

© Copyright Miss Carly Marie 2008-2012

______________________

"I'm pulling my questions from my shelf

I'm asking forgiveness

I ain't asking nobody but myself

And I want you to know this

You're rifling through a box of toys

That were handed down to me

Just take all the ones you want and then

Give the rest to my family

I'm going to go back to school today

But I'm dropping myself off

I'm throwing the childhood scenes away

I'm through ripping myself off

I'm done ripping myself off"

-Broken Boy Soldier by The Raconteurs

"secretly, you'd love to know what it's like, wouldn't you?" -What It Feels Like For A Girl/Madonna

© Copyright Miss Carly Marie 2008-2012

"and if death should smell my breathing/as it pass beneath my window/let it lead me trembling, trembling/i own every bell that tolls me" -Neko Case

thin waves of argentina

some mist between my joints

some fingers on my pressure points

i will not sit down with you,

lusty old man in blue

i can see your history on your hands

your eyes reflect your lands

i will give you courtesies

that you do not give me

and that is forever your curse

it's the weight of your thirst

and the filth under your nails

all of a sudden, you turn pale

it's all in how you can't figure out what's worse

the front seat or the trunk of the hearse

and oh, how palpable, the things i've lost

what could be better than a good frost?

they are closer now than they ever were

ah, happiness is such a blur

when i had them in my fists, i wasn't on track

it doesn't really matter what you plan to pack

i'm easier to find than a cure

all that you find dirty is pure

i love with my whole heart

i know how to stop what starts

you don't haunt me anymore

you silly, silly whore

i turned him into a king

and made you a bore

© Copyright Miss Carly Marie 2008-2012

"if you're looking for hot water, don't get shocked when you get burned a little bit." jack white

place your bets in my steps

we all understand the world with wine at our lips

see all the represents you: money, mind and chips

stack them high and be risky when you gamble

be quiet, play the game, no one likes it when you ramble

the morning sun is still and my world dips toward it

i still remember your firm hand and how i couldn't reward it

the moon bled across the lake and we drank every drop

re-writing history by taking photos at the field, to the crop

and how do i feel now that i am happy and fulfilled?

nevermind, but is this state something that i willed?

to feel such clarity with every midnight's coming and passing

when i used to run the city wild, driving fast and crashing

am i living meaningful now that i'm harmless atop my shelf?

now that i have taken that opportunity and distanced myself?

because now i see the real challenge of life while awake

lusting over the temptations that i try to shake

the true struggle of life is silent and heartless and strict

it doesn't tell you it's coming or which bone it's going to pick

it glares at you, mockingly, knowing that you'll fail

you'll never know the wind 'til the day you try to sail

i know that i am the poison that taints every glass

i know that i am the burden that comforts days passed

so it is out of consideration that i say such quick goodbyes

it's hard to love someone who pinpoints all the lies

© Copyright Miss Carly Marie 2008-2012

“your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -rumi

the false glory in purgatory

a flowing, luminescent hearth

embodying hope

tears

through my soul

when i can't cope

like angels who pick us out

of the ditches we dig

reminding us

we're so small even though our

imaginations are big

there is nothing that i can

prove

with texts and manipulation and hypothesis

conviction is the

most limited instrument

in the language of our species

so watch my hands and

see the atoms

they cut through

a sky is a roof is a skull and

it's all glue

the network

the white light

we

walk through

the grey-ness is only this world

painful, endless blue

and it is our actions

which determine

where we'll be next

inactive good intentions may

have you

chasing a cyclical hex

it's all there,

i can see it now

misery is a demon's

plaything

happiness may be learned

with gratitude

so try to

hear your

heart sing

© Copyright Miss Carly Marie 2008-2012