who i'm not
I am not my Mother
I have no son
I like to walk
Not to run
My sister, so far
My brother, so gone
My Father is always
tending the lawn
My grandma, who's that?
My uncle is dead
My hair is brown
but I dyed it red
The abuse that tears
And branches out
Trickles down
into new sprouts
The forms it Holds
The levels of pain
Wishing these tracks
derailed this train
Grandpa, killed
When Mother was seven
Surely there isn't
any real heaven
Dad's dad swung
His fists and his belt
Through the stories
the bruises, I felt
Not just my own blood
But my friends and my kin
They were wrong to think
I wouldn't feel their pins
Manic labels
Pills cure all
Being old doesn't mean
you don't have to crawl
My soul is so tired
Of judgment and minds
Who think they know
my thoughts, my Kind
I was born happy
But now I'm weary
Of selfish logic
And crooked theories
That vicious animal
That is me
Here are my teeth
Sharp to see
Salivating, I hunt
Looking for the loyal
I am the Tiger
I am Royal
I am my own
Separate from them
My muscles burn
Condemn, condemn
Free, I'll be
From bitter love
I don't need to hurt
Because they're smug
And they'll be angry
And confused
But I am only
The Atlantic's muse
I'm only sorry
They didn't listen
When I was honest
in my admissions
It isn't that
They weren't there
It was sad priorities
and how they cared
Not one could ever
Look me in the eye
To tell me with love
That I can fly
Only pressure
Holding me down
Telling me not
to be who I found
I was always me
They just didn't know
How to catch my drift
and the breeze it blows
I find myself Lush
Up, up, I'm growing
Even without
My own knowing
So I'll say thank you
The weight helped me rise
Layers of soil
Packed over my eyes
I'm just not sure
How to love people
Stuck in hierarchy
Stuck in steeples
I can't reach down
To meet them halfway
They'll pull out my roots
Then I'll decay
I tried Good-bye
It didn't work
So away, away, away
I'll lurk
Don't be surprised
When I am missing
If you weren't kind
I'm finished wishing
Up in the sky
I'm so blue
My soul is alone
But at least it's True
© Copyright Miss Carly Marie 2008-2012
______________________
"I'm pulling my questions from my shelf
I'm asking forgiveness
I ain't asking nobody but myself
And I want you to know this
You're rifling through a box of toys
That were handed down to me
Just take all the ones you want and then
Give the rest to my family
I'm going to go back to school today
But I'm dropping myself off
I'm throwing the childhood scenes away
I'm through ripping myself off
I'm done ripping myself off"
-Broken Boy Soldier by The Raconteurs
